By William Vicson Gocheco (Grade 9 – Mendeleev)
On a cold December morning, the sound of my alarm reached my ears. I struggle to grasp reality so early in the morning. Aching pain floods my body. Responsibilities and duties fill my mind. It’s a school day today. The immense pull of my body towards the warm bed is tempting. Going back to sleep feels so good. I visualize what I have to do today. I am discouraged. Being absent is enticing but I must resist.
I get up. Take a shower. Turn on the computer where I am greeted with dozens of activities and assignments. And sit down for the next nine hours. I check Edmodo for announcements. I refresh multiple times to make sure. I join the zoom meeting. Take the test and listen. And repeat. Over and over again. This has been my life for almost six months and will be my life for the foreseeable future. It seems as though I have been trapped in an endless cycle. LT after LT. Quiz after quiz. It never ends. Fatigue and despair cloud my mind. Everyday it’s the same. School. Study. Sleep. It has become a prison where I dedicate my time to upholding expectations and meaningless numbers. Why? I thought. Why do I strive and sacrifice? For what? For nothing. My sanity sinks deeper and deeper into insanity as the teachers announce more projects and quizzes. I can’t take this. When will I graduate? When will it stop? Never.
During breaks, I would watch videos to take my mind off things. I noticed all the Christmas ads rolling in. “Why does it matter?” I thought. It sure doesn’t feel like Christmas at all. It all feels like a bad dream. My fingers shake as I check my scores. “Did I fail?” I argue with the teacher to no avail. My body sweats as I refresh the page for the tenth time just in case I missed something. I breathe rapidly as my internet fails. The omnipresent anxiety is too much. The computer where I used to enjoy and relax has become a godforsaken place which brings me so much stress. It seems so easy just to skip classes and play games. To watch funny videos and ignore class. It’s all just one tab away. The struggle to remain honest and studious is hard. My discipline erodes day by day. The dichotomy in my brain of work and pleasure and which to fulfill. The internal struggle is overwhelming. I know it’s wrong but I just don’t know anymore. I give up.
As I watch the Christmas ads and their stories, I remember my childhood. I was a happy kid. It was a much simpler time. I remember being excited for Christmas. I couldn’t wait to receive gifts. I remember studying till dawn and laughing at my silly mistakes. School wasn’t stressful. It was fun. I have forgotten my purpose in working so hard. I kept chasing higher and higher achievement when I forgot what was most important. To have fun. I remember now. All my worries and burdens seem to just melt away. I realize the pains of today pale in comparison to the fruits of tomorrow. I remember that this too shall pass.